Trigger Warning: Death/Suicide
Getting straight into it, I gained 2lbs at my last weigh-in on Saturday. I imagine this was for a few reasons; bingeing on banana chips, having 2 desserts in the week and a particularly indulgent Wednesday. Whatever caused the gain, it brought me down. I am still trying to lose weight and working out, don’t get me wrong, but it’s very hard this week after that result. A part of me wants to say “screw it” and go and buy a big bar of chocolate. But I won’t because I know it’s a downward spiral from there.
So that affected my mood. Add to that some money issues, rudeness from others on social media and the tragic death of Caroline Flack, I’ve been pretty low these last few days. I’ve struggled to go on my walks, I talked myself out of going to the gym today and stayed in bed. Don’t worry, I’m definitely going tomorrow. I’m feeling despondent about my craft projects and the tidiness/cleanliness of my flat, my career, the weather, the lack of fun in my life and a few other things.
I wasn’t a fan of Caroline Flack’s. I don’t watch or like reality TV. But I remember her from Bo’ Selecta and Strictly Come Dancing, and reading of her death deeply shocked me. She’s one of those people that you expect to always read about in the news or pop up on TV in the background. The fact that she died by suicide is even sadder. I have to believe that suicide is always preventable in some way. It’s not an inevitability of mental health. I believe that she could have rebuilt her life. And I believe that her death could have been prevented by some sensitivity by others to her mental health. I’m not just talking about the actions of the press, eg the Scum newspaper who were unnecessarily vile towards her, and I absolutely believe that anyone who is violent should face justice by due process. What I am referring to is the fact that Caroline Flack was seen by an ambulance the day before she died, and they decided not to help her. That was a big opportunity to get her the support she needed. I read all too often of people who could have been prevented from ending their lives by the mental health services specifically paid to support them, but the snap decision of a clinician meant that those people did not receive that support, with tragic consequences.
Sorry for the sad post, guys. I didn’t really have much else to say apart from that. I’m okay but feeling down at the moment. Hopefully I will have a good weigh-in this week and be back on track for my goals.